Update 08.10.2013

Hi sports fans!

There’s been an awful lot going on here and I haven’t had a chance to get my thoughts together to post an update until now, it’s all pretty jumbled with so much going on at once so apologize in advance if there is poor flow to this post.

Housing – I put in an application for a local low-income apartment complex and have called every couple of days to check my wait list status.  As of Wednesday, I was number 7 on the list.  Yesterday I missed a call from the manager telling me my name came up to the top of the list and she has an apartment.  OMG!  I called back, no answer but left a message.  Hopefully I qualify and can get it.

After Speech Therapy Thursday we tried to find the office of public housing (in town, 65 miles away) but couldn’t locate it.  The ST called a Social Worker when I shared about my housing crisis.  The SW said to apply for Section 8 housing…this does not make me feel good.  In rehab years ago when I also faced homelessness, the SW and I broached this subject; she didn’t feel like it’d be good for me to be in a housing project.  So yes, there’s a lot of scary stuff to this particular issue, but, I’m also tired of fighting…so back into the survival mode I go.

I do not welcome the burden of going back into systems that demoralize and dehumanize.  Been there, done that, I don’t want my heart and spirit broken again.

Unsettled – with being partially ready to move I am losing, okay, misplacing things left and right!  OMG, now I’ve misplaced my external brain…oh joy, oh bliss!

Brain Hike – Egads, when it rains it pours.  So, not functioning at all well last week, my brain went “hikey” and I started making mistakes on my appointment times, showing up an hour early Friday (8/2) and a half hour early Wednesday (8/7) to Occupational Therapy.

I had a horrible migraine on Thursday (8/1), the day of Speech Therapy and I just couldn’t function.  OMG, talk about frustrating, I am a word person, damn it!  I couldn’t talk, I could make signs but my brain had left me in the dust…I’m sure it was close enough to point and laugh at the rest of me, however!

Miscalculating the appointment times make me feel like a complete idiot, and, it terrifies me because it takes me back to the symptoms I experienced after the FIRST car accident.  I also don’t have the support here I had in Bremerton, so that’s another tough dynamic.  I work flipping hard to stay above level when it comes to fatigue and depression.  Drats!  Not being able to manage my life just isn’t an option, especially now.

Dad’s Estate – I was named Personal Representative/Executor for his Estate, now begins a lot of paperwork and getting ducks in a row.  I will be very pleased to have this long gone in the rear view mirror!

Designated Payee – This has been a process!  Last year I contacted my disability attorney about having me be my own payee, she sent me a link to the form I needed, I printed it out and then promptly forgot.  Okay, Dad’s health and his moving to assisted living were forefront in my mind then.

I recently filled out the form, sent it in and had a call from Social Security saying I filled it out wrong for my Dad.  Um no.  I called back, left a message stating the above and the justification for being my own payee is having successfully taken care of Dad’s finances.

So, a month goes by and nothing, I decided to print another one, sign it again noting the date and marking “2nd submission”, and take it to the Social Security office in town Thursday, Aug. 8.  We had about an hour wait, we were called up, the lady was really, really nice.  She asked who the payee is right now and I pointed to Richard.

She asked if I’ve been paying my own bills, how do I pay them, have I ever forgotten to make a payment.  It feels good to be able to say I’ve done online bill paying for years, no, I’ve never forgotten a payment and my credit remains excellent!

Domestic Violence – Dealing with the nightmares in April brought a lot of family issues up to the surface.  They had been nicely stowed in deep storage and I tried to send them packing, but they stayed.  As a result I’m seeing a therapist and am learning *huge* life lessons.

Behind the Mask of Abuse – Hope & Survivor Stories – I have to tell you, part in parcel of the above healing is due to the lovely blogger who has been graciously educating me about verbal abuse.  OMG.  Her black and white descriptions cut through my varying shades of gray of denial and resistance.  This is a pivotal point in my healing and will be forever grateful for her insight, heart and wisdom.   For all she’s been through, she is a lovely, lovely person.

VerbalAbuse.com – from the insightful wisdom above, I searched Amazon for top rated books on verbal abuse, holy cow!  I’ve read one book and am on a second one, go here for the order in which the books should be read.  These books have changed everything for me and have begun a phenomenal healing journey…I am able to see things far more clearly than ever before.  I’m grateful for Patricia Evans work, it’s changing my life.

No Contact – With Rebel Heart being the star in my nightmares and I just became Personal Representative/Executor, that left me feeling vulnerable and frightened (okay, terrified).  My brother has called twice to speak with me because it was my responsibility to tally how much he owed Dad with and without interest.

Folks, it’s in excess of $80,000 without interest!  That floors me to no end.  Seriously, to borrow from your elderly Dad and not pay it back…at any rate, I asked the attorney if I have a legal obligation to speak with said brother, he said no!  So, he gets to go through the attorney.

When I finally garnered the courage to look up Rebel Heart’s criminal history a couple months ago, I discovered his most recent conviction was violating a Domestic Violence Restraining Order.  Yup, he’s had 20+ in the making, I can vouch for that.

Auction stuff – All of the big stuff has been gone for some time but now is the going through of jewelry to see if any of it is real/fake, etc.  I want to know so I don’t end up burdening the auctioneer with stuff that isn’t real.  People should be able to bid with confidence.

So, Thursday, after my Speech Therapy we stopped by a jeweler the auctioneer recommended.  It did NOT go well!  We entered the store; the lady behind the counter (with one person on each side of her) looked us up and down.  I told her who sent us and that I tried contacting them through their website, she mumbled something about the days running together or something.  Um, I tried contacted them on Saturday!  I didn’t sense she was telling the truth and that wasn’t very settling.

She wasn’t too thrilled to go through the jewelry, but she said she’d do it in a half hour if we could come back.  She exuded too much vinegar for my taste, we left, but I said to forget it.  I didn’t need to be treated that way.  I’m aiming for success and trying to help the auctioneer.

So, I emailed the auctioneer when we got back home and told him I was sorry, but the jeweler he recommended had NOT earned our business.  He must have contacted them because I had an email this morning.

I told Richard I can get over my stuff and take it there anyway as I don’t have an alternative plan and I probably wouldn’t have one anytime soon.  I’ll do it to help the auctioneer and get that stuff gone too.

OT, PT, ST, OMG! – As mentioned above, I started blowing some of my Occupational Therapy appointment times and I need to fall back on the strategies that work.  So far I’ve managed to not screw up Physical or Speech Therapy…but Speech Therapy is the same time each week, that’s what I mean by falling back on strategies that work.  Things get jumbled in this overloaded brain of mine.

I’ll have Physical Therapy for another week or two and then should be released from care, or, at least to where appointments are not scheduled closely together.

Kitty with Kidney Disease – I’m still taking Tux twice a week to the vet for subcutaneous fluids and yesterday I asked them to add in a Vitamin B shot too.  Tux is doing okay; we’ll see her acupuncturist/holistic vet on the 26th to see how she’s doing.

Dad – Oh yes, I forgot to mention; on Friday (8/2) I received a Presidential Certificate honoring Dad’s service.

It reads: “The United States of America honors the memory of [Dad’s name].  This certificate is awarded by a grateful nation in recognition of devoted and selfless consecration to the service of our country in the Armed Forces of the United States” and is signed by the President.

I cried.

Self-care – I continue to juice like a mad woman!  I am able to afford the CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) this year and the produce is awesome.  I juice what I can use and then freeze the rest (I’ve never frozen fresh juice before so will see how that turns out.)

Today’s juice is a mix of purple broccoli, 2 carrots, basil, fennel, kale, tomato, and wheatgrass.  I add organic apple juice to make it more palatable.  The longer the juice sits the stronger the basil gets.

Meditation – I’m doing Oprah and Deepak Chopra’s 21-day meditation challenge and it is lovely!  I’m new to meditation but am thoroughly enjoying it and feel refreshed.  There’s a 15-minute recorded session to follow along each day.  I highly recommend it.

Exercise – I’m doing better at consistently exercising when I can.  This means my alarm goes off at 4am, crazy, I know, but it’s when I used to get up pre-injuries so figured maybe that alone will help my brain.

That’s the gist of what’s going on.  Any one item on its own would be plenty, but, this is reality for now.

We get stronger facing what we think we may not be able to face.  I have support.  I have counsel.  The strong winds of change are blowing…thanks for listening everyone!  Thanks for being here dear readers; I am grateful for you.  🙂

About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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11 Responses to Update 08.10.2013

  1. You are well on your way it seems!! Hang in there! Thank you so much for the mention, could I ask one thing? Could you use my blog http://www.behindthemaskofabuse.com instead. buckwheatsrisk.com will be shutting down in the not too distant future. Sorry I hate to ask, I just don’t want people directed there only to have it shut down on them. My other blog has the exact same posts on it and same theme. Thank you! Big hugs! xo

    • Hi sweets! Thank you!! 🙂

      No worries, it’s no trouble to take care of.

      I just changed it, how does it look to you? Thanks for letting me know, I wouldn’t want to be directing a hurting soul to a site that no longer exists.

      Thanks a bunchola!

  2. Hello,

    I’m so very touched thank you very much, you’re also a gift to me! xo

  3. Glad you are handling things. It sounds so very busy.
    Also, I am so glad you found Zoe. She is a Dear.

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