A Peaceful Thanksgiving

Richard and I went next door for their family gathering and it was nice.  I worked hard on trying to simply remain in the moment and comfortable.  I usually carry a good (LOL, understatement!) amount of fear with me into social situations because I’m never quite fully sure what my brain will choose to do or not do.  It is the oddest thing!

I mean, think about it.  If you’re going somewhere you’ve gone before with people you’ve seen before, you know what to expect.  You have no issues adapting and going with the flow, knowing what you’ll say, do, heck, even where you’ll sit.  Not for me.  For me, it’s almost always like someone took a magnet over the hard drive of my computer (brain) and it’s almost always brand new to me. 

I may have done something or been somewhere before but that doesn’t mean I’ll remember anything at all.  It is quite spooky…and is VERY difficult to get used to, that feeling of almost continuous groundlessness.

I still find it quite remarkable there is no drama there, just down-to-earth folks getting together to share time and holidays together.  One of the Granddaughters got married this summer and came in with her husband.  The other Granddaughter came in limping, she’d stepped on a nail. 

This being a calm, no drama area, everyone was interested in her injury but no one panicked or made more of it than it was.  Wow…the world could use some of that common sense!  The Mom and Grandmother got out some Epsom Salts so the foot could be soaked.  She’ll need to get a shot, most likely, but again, not really a big deal.

I sat there and marveled…is that what it’s like to have go-to people?  I am 45-years-old and am still struck by families who are, well, functional!  They knew what to do, it wasn’t like they were reinventing the wheel (which is the world I live in).  Such stability, OMG!  Remarkable.

It was nice, I also worked on breathing, trying to enjoy it, I didn’t eat too much, and kept asking myself, “Am I comfortable?”  It really is quite odd being there physically and needing all my senses to be present and accounted for, so I can be involved and all that.  I hope to learn, in time, how to ‘be’ and yet not be so on-the-edge. 

I guess the times of social embarrassment are engrained pretty well in my mind…but fear robs us of the moment.  So, I’m working on it.  🙂 

Thanks for listening. 

About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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7 Responses to A Peaceful Thanksgiving

  1. sounds like a wonderful time. 🙂 i understand what you are talking about, my Hubby’s family is huge (8 kids) when we lived in the same town, we would all gather at my Mother-in-Laws for the holidays and it was panic for me. with C-pstd (not knowing at the time that’s what it is) it was very overwhelming, loud chaotic. i did not handle it well but didn’t have a choice.
    i’m so glad for that reason we live far away now and have no oligation to either side, (i have no contact now with my side anyway, so even if we were there, i wouldn’t spend any time with those dangerous people 😉 )

  2. I understand your feelings and your thoughts. While I do remember past Thanksgivings and holidays, I have problems with the memory of many events and/or people. It is rough to go somewhere in which all know you but you do not remember them or the incidents being discussed. I have tried to learn to simply accept that as part of life. I am, mostly, successful.

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