Richard and I went next door for their family gathering and it was nice. I worked hard on trying to simply remain in the moment and comfortable. I usually carry a good (LOL, understatement!) amount of fear with me into social situations because I’m never quite fully sure what my brain will choose to do or not do. It is the oddest thing!
I mean, think about it. If you’re going somewhere you’ve gone before with people you’ve seen before, you know what to expect. You have no issues adapting and going with the flow, knowing what you’ll say, do, heck, even where you’ll sit. Not for me. For me, it’s almost always like someone took a magnet over the hard drive of my computer (brain) and it’s almost always brand new to me.
I may have done something or been somewhere before but that doesn’t mean I’ll remember anything at all. It is quite spooky…and is VERY difficult to get used to, that feeling of almost continuous groundlessness.
I still find it quite remarkable there is no drama there, just down-to-earth folks getting together to share time and holidays together. One of the Granddaughters got married this summer and came in with her husband. The other Granddaughter came in limping, she’d stepped on a nail.
This being a calm, no drama area, everyone was interested in her injury but no one panicked or made more of it than it was. Wow…the world could use some of that common sense! The Mom and Grandmother got out some Epsom Salts so the foot could be soaked. She’ll need to get a shot, most likely, but again, not really a big deal.
I sat there and marveled…is that what it’s like to have go-to people? I am 45-years-old and am still struck by families who are, well, functional! They knew what to do, it wasn’t like they were reinventing the wheel (which is the world I live in). Such stability, OMG! Remarkable.
It was nice, I also worked on breathing, trying to enjoy it, I didn’t eat too much, and kept asking myself, “Am I comfortable?” It really is quite odd being there physically and needing all my senses to be present and accounted for, so I can be involved and all that. I hope to learn, in time, how to ‘be’ and yet not be so on-the-edge.
I guess the times of social embarrassment are engrained pretty well in my mind…but fear robs us of the moment. So, I’m working on it. 🙂
Thanks for listening.