I previously blogged about going back to Step 1 (“we admitted we were powerless over ________ – that our lives had become unmanageable”). By going back to this foundation, I had strength and direction to rediscover what works for me. It was also during this time of introspection and looking at life with greater curiosity that I realized the trip back to visit my Dad and family unleashed an unexpected emotional avalanche that I struggled to process. I felt very much emotionally stuck and changed to the core and wondered who I really am.
In the 12-step programs there is a lot of mention of a “fearless and moral inventory.” Okay, that alone strikes fear in my heart…but…I slowly began to realize that inventory would also show good things like compassion and insight. (Aren’t we all criticized by self, society, etc. to the point it indeed becomes abusive???)
I had to go back to the basics asking myself how was I REALLY managing my life? How was I doing at keeping up on feeding the animals, cleaning litter boxes and mucking, how was my sleep cycle? How about diet and exercise? I found I was kind of caving in, not doing much to support myself. I know the life I WANT to have is an active one, so, changes are in order…but it’s never just that simple with TBI.
The lack of stamina post-TBI is an ongoing, raw, unwelcome experience. But, it is what it is. I thought about how am I doing managing my depression? I do pretty much remember to take my meds everyday, but what about other things I know that work?
That brings me back to diet and exercise. So, going back to taking small steps, I first put my pedometer on and thought I’d see if I get those 10,000 steps every day Dr. Oz recommends. Um, not even close! On my own, I average about 3,000 steps on a good day. Bad days, egads, probably barely any at all.
So, I’m working my way back to exercising, I have the hardest time being consistent with anything post-TBI because I crash and will be out for several days. Starting over gets old, enough said.
For now, I am focusing on exercising and keeping track, so the pedometer which gets hooked up to my computer keeps track for me. In time, I would love to have a smart gadget that is able to help me keep track of everything day-to-day, even steps. It’s good to have a goal. For now, just taking steps helps me feel better about myself to know I’m heading in the right direction, and that’s real important this time of the year with the cold weather, a lot of time spent indoors, and the darkness.
For many who have had to learn how to re-walk, or lost the ability to walk, post-injury, I dedicate each step to you. Never give up.