Shhh…don’t tell anyone…


I’m taking a break from the family insanity and dysfunction.

Last week we had a big meeting with Dad at rehab, one Brother, Sister-in-Law and I all phoned in.  Dad’s therapists, the Social Worker, Step-Mom, the Brother who lives closest to Dad and the referral agency representative were there in person.  I wish the call quality had been better, but well…

As of last week, Dad has 3-6 weeks of rehab to go and then we have to find him an assisted living facility.  Okay, so this seems straightforward enough.  I signed the document so the referral agency could get started and all we need now is Dad’s finances.  Easy squeezy, right?

My Step-Mom didn’t feel comfortable handing Dad’s tax return over to the woman at the referral agency.  Hey, great, thanks a lot.  So, since Dad was lucid during our meeting the agency rep said I could have Dad call and get an update on his finances.  Oh sure.  No problem.  I called Dad the next day and he didn’t recall much of the meeting.  Oh joy, oh bliss.  He asked for my phone number since he didn’t have it there.  Okay…?

I would call Dad again and again only to hear the same short conversation and get nowhere with the finances.  Oh yes, lets add in a storm that passed through this area knocking out power, cell service, everything.  And, problems with one of my email accounts and I ended up losing it all.  Yup, ‘tis true.  I’d imagine the files are on the backup drive, but have not found any yet.  Funny thing with Brain Injury, sometimes when you lose things you really have no idea what you’ve lost.  It’s weird!

I’ve had two calls from the woman at the referral agency asking about Dad’s finances.  How flipping stupid is this?  I’m in another state, one Brother is right there who is ALSO Power of Attorney, and I’m supposed to have Dad call…um, yeah, and no one has bothered to give me Dad’s account numbers, phone numbers, etc.

The referral agency woman told me it was clear to her my Power of Attorney Brother wanted no part in this.  I don’t give a flying Fig Newton!  Someone’s life is in our hands and what, we’re opting out?  Give me a flipping break.  So I called said Brother and got some account numbers and then called Step-Mom to get others.

I’ve been waiting for the attorney to send me a copy of the Power of Attorney and I’ve received nothing.  I’ve emailed the CPA who has the new POA on file and asked him to send Dad’s tax return to me and to the woman at the referral agency.  I’ve heard nothing back.  Sigh.

I also received a message from another Brother I’d called to inform about the family conference.  Um, yeah, he left a voicemail saying he’ll be at the meeting.  LOL, uh, dude, you’re a WEEK late!  He also said he didn’t know if I was flying or driving but if I hadn’t left yet he wanted me to make some Rice Krispy cookies for him.  Seriously?  OMG, I’m in my mid-40’s and he’s 18 months older than me.

I don’t think I’ll be screaming, “Calgon, take me away!”  I think it’ll be more like, “People, grow up!”

As far as dealing with banks and lending institutions, two of three have been GREAT.  Fidelity and Boeing Employee Credit Union (BECU).  Both were very prompt with direction for me to take getting the Power of Attorney on file and other documentation needed, and, even offered empathy.  Bank of America?  Terrible.  They said they’d have to ask an associate since I live out of state, and, they’d call me back within 30 minutes.  Seriously, if you can’t keep your word, don’t go there, the 30-minuite promise did not materialize.  I have to call again.

I hope this is all the ranting I will do, it changes nothing, really, and only increases suffering of everyone involved.  So, yes, I’m telling myself to grow up too!  🙂

I volunteered for this and in the big picture of life all this messy stuff?  It’s not that important.  And really, blathering on about this stuff sort of dampens the other good things of life which I will blog about as soon as I can.

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About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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7 Responses to Shhh…don’t tell anyone…

  1. how frustrating for you. my sisters would not talk to me about my mom’s alzheimer’s diagnosis. 18 months later they’re coming around, demanding this and that. sheesh. i just roll my eyes and get on with getting on. I know they are just coming to terms with something I figured out 2 years ago, but they get to do it on their own….because I’m finished that part of my journey. did you email your late bro? that would have been an interesting conversation.

    • Yes, family dynamics are something else, aren’t they?!

      I would have to say, though, to my brothers’ credit, I wouldn’t be able to walk through this particular fire unafraid had I not gone through my own 10-year-ordeal. I gleaned a lot from fellow TBI warriors, but most especially, I was strengthened by care providers like the Social Worker, Occupational Therapist, Acupuncturist, and Chiropractor. They all had these remarkable spirits, the gifts they gave to me are what I give to others.

      It is unfortunate, in the big picture of life, because my brothers are missing an opportunity to grow. And where would we learn this type of stuff since our family never talked below the surface and denial was a strong foundation?

      My late brother doesn’t have email, I wish he did. He’s just not the type to ‘get’ this sort of thing. He’s a good talker, but not such a great walker…that is probably a whole ‘nother blog in itself! 🙂

  2. you must be exhausted! stupid institutions!

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