Back to the Beginning: Survival (posted Dec. 8, 2009)


Something has certainly freed up in me since I wasn’t raised to be irreverent or disrespectful. Perhaps a little more spunk is returning as the fight for survival is now down to a couple of last months here at the house.

While talking with Richard over the weekend I coined the phrase “giving fate the finger” because it looked like we might be able to trade some things we currently have for barn materials. That made my heart light up and I got excited because both parties get what they can use. Folks out there certainly help one another, and I like that!

I spent some of Saturday with my friend Kathleen out in beautiful Port Gamble, it was a lovely, albeit it freezing cold, windy day. She’d asked about my truck (yes, the one I affectionately call “the moss mobile” for the moss that grows on it!), whether it’d be going to Montana with me or not, I said no. She expressed interest, I told her that’d be neat to see it go to her, I’d make her a good deal. It has been what I call a ‘blessed’ vehicle in that it has been owned by truly great folks. So we continue the legacy and get to help a dear friend. Oh my goodness, giving is a wonderful thing!

It is daunting, all the stuff we go through in this life. It feels good to turn it into something positive somehow.

Garth Brooks, “The Change,” one of my favorite encouragement songs, the chorus:

“And I hear them saying you’ll never change things
And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing
But it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me.”

I was riding high on my irreverent journey until yesterday when I received a bill in the mail from unpaid medical expenses entirely due to the most recent accident in February that I did not cause. The PIP coverage did indeed run out and I got caught in the cross hairs. Heartache, anxiety, etc., and Richard wonders why sometimes I sigh so deeply, it’s just because life is heavy-duty sometimes.

I’ve talked to two attorneys, a head-injury specialist and a local attorney, neither will take my case. Yes folks, this is America and terribly difficult things happen, and when you don’t have a major case, good luck. It does become exhausting because there is such an ongoing spiral of negative events.

I finally broke down in tears yesterday at the laundromat. Yes, the laundromat. I’m still having to do laundry elsewhere until the sewer issue gets resolved. I had just picked up my mail and thought I’d bring it with me to read, not only did I find that huge unpaid bill, but my vet sent me a sympathy card. That sent me over as I was only now washing some of the blankets Rudy had taken as her own. Oh how I miss that girl!

I am grateful for laundromats and having the funds to do my laundry, and I’m grateful for my vet who’d been Rudy’s vet since I got her, and into whose hands I could place Rudy’s life and never worry.

The struggle is exhausting, disheartening, and can break my spirit, but those who know me well know I’m a fighter who doesn’t consider giving up or quitting an option.

Looking to bless and be a blessing while testing spiritual laws in this seven-year game of survival.

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About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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