Back to the Beginning: First Day (Nov. 28, 2009)


I had a rough night of sleep last night as I was afraid I would dream of Rudy and I did. It was tremendously hard to rest with all that had happened during the day.

I had a dream I was trying to feed Rudy and she was giving me that look of wanting to be obedient but wasn’t physically able. When I woke up I remember getting up on my elbow looking at the bedroom doorway expecting her and remembering…

The alarm went off as usual, without Rudy’s presence I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to face this first day without her here. I got up, fed the cats and went back to bed.

Richard usually calls between 6:30 and 7:00, when he didn’t I turned off the phone knowing his schedule was different this morning but he said he’d call, so no worries.

My little black kitty who always sleeps on the bed with me had jumped off the bed and stayed in the kitchen. My little grey kitty, Precious, came to snuggy…this is a rare thing, he doesn’t usually try to impose on Tux’s bed.

He jumped up and snuggled for several hours with me. My, what comfort animals offer us, without a big song and dance, pride and ego, but with a gentle, quiet knowing.

I called Richard and was glad to find he was able to answer his phone and talk despite him having company. He’d been outside working on the barn in 27 degree weather and welcomed a break inside the house to warm up.

I shared Melissa’s idea of the photo of her kitty and said I grew up in a house where we had no family photos, but maybe it’d be neat to start a wall to honor my animal family. He agreed, adding they’ve always been there for me. I think it’s important to fully love them while they’re here and honor their memory somehow when they’re gone…let me preface that with, when I’m ready. It’s too soon for me to have Rudy pictures just yet.

My little grey guy hasn’t let me be alone much this morning and he’s not usually like that. He’s usually curled up in his snuggy spot after coming in late in the evening and sleeps in until about noon. I’m making sure I’m spending more time with the cats because I know they miss Rudy too.

I don’t know how I’ll spend the rest of the day, will just take it moment by moment and go with the flow.

I hope future dreams will show Rudy okay, playing in heaven, chasing cats, squirrels, birds, all without fatigue, discomfort, or need to eat them! 🙂

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About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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