Back to the Beginning: Update (posted May 19, 2009)


I’ve been resting a lot trying to get to the better side of life with Brain Injury, but haven’t quite arrived there yet! Half a day – whether it be work, house work, yard work, or even leisure (what is that?! LOL) is definitely my new limit.

Even with a lot of rest, I’m still finding I crash without a whole heck of a lot of stimuli, so in a way, I’m going back to the very beginning days post-injury years ago. I like to travel, but not backwards! LOL…

Big news of the day is my Step Mom called, Dad fell this morning and broke his hip. She just called a few minutes ago to say Dad’s hip replacement surgery went well. The doctor said recovery will be 4-6 weeks with absolutely no weight on it at all.

Needless to say this broke my heart, last time I talked to Dad he was hoping to be able to walk without the aid of a cane by next year. He’s worked so hard to recover from his open heart surgery last year, this just squeezes my heart!

Life with Brain Injury is highly unpredictable and filled with its own season(s!) of disappointment so I am somewhat taking this latest news in stride. Life has a direction all its own and its best if we can bend and not break.

I had a good re-exam today with the Chiropractor, looking at the physical improvement and now moving to one adjustment per week. I’m grateful to be out of the more acute phase, not completely out of pain, but not a hurting unit like I was the day I walked in there. Just wish my brain would make a grand entrance!

I’m thinking about scheduling an appointment with my primary care physician to make sure nothing else is causing this daunting fatigue. I highly doubt anything will be found via blood work, but would like some peace of mind even though it means paying out of pocket. With the housing situation looming, this is certainly not the time for me to be at my worst.

I did find out about the Energy Assistance Program here locally, they can only help folks once a year, I’ll have to wait until October to have heat assistance again. I may contact the local St. Vincent de Paul to see if they know of resources.

Speaking of St. Vinnie’s, I have a load of donations for them to pickup. I had thought about trying to sell some of those things, but part of me still likes to give and believes that’s about as natural as breathing. They’re a good ministry, I don’t mind supporting and know they are in it to help people, not make a profit.

Food Benefits have increased (thank God!). I was able to buy food for this month and still have money left over so I can buy produce and dairy more than just once a month.

I went to the Farmers Market today, prices there have gone up. I only bought Kale for $2 and juiced it tonight – and let me tell you, what a difference! There’s nothing like locally grown produce.

Over all, I really am trying to let go of things, let go of the outcome of what is yet on the horizon. Let go of the home, if it comes to that. It is difficult. I’ve had to let go of so many things thus far, it’s really a challenge to settle in to more struggle. There just has to be a balance between holding on and fighting, and letting go. I am a tired warrior who wants exquisite good to come from this jagged path.

I’m researching online to see about local auctions or eBay auction assistants, I know it’s a huge percentage they take, but I’m accepting I won’t be able to do it. It’s taking all I’ve got to just barely get the front lawn mowed! And now my mower is blowing white smoke, so I have to figure that out and there’s precious brain bucks to go around now. Survival it is!

Things have to get better, I’ve lived at rock bottom survival for too long and miss life. But maybe even that is setting an expectation that could possibly be dashed too.

Praying for the greatest good for all…and for God to make something beautiful out of my life.

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About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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