Today was a migraine day, it’s still with me, but better.
I escaped later this afternoon to go to Costco, so I could eat something along the way, and get some more produce for myself and my dog as I see Rudy slip away.
I researched online to find out what the signs are when a dog is dying to help me prepare, or brace myself. Rudy is having more trouble getting up and is sleeping more, still her bubbly self at times. I’m glad the hot weather will be over after today and that will help.
I haven’t quite gotten my courage up yet to call the vet to ask him when the time will be, I have to be very balanced in this, not holding on a moment too long because I struggle to let go. But I honestly think humans and animals do hang on as long as they can because they don’t want to leave us.
I realized today what Pema Chodron says is so true, about going to the places that scare you, but I think this is a whole new level when you face the things your parents couldn’t face or help you with growing up. Rudy is the first dog I’ve owned as an adult, and she’ll be the first one I have to put down, and by myself.
I expect it to be as difficult as the initial diagnosis of Cancer was, trying to find the right thing to do for her, with what I could afford at the time.
If all dogs do go to heaven, she will have plenty of people waiting for her.
Animals have the noblest hearts.
Here’s to both a known and unknown future…