Back to the Beginning: Catch-22 and Why I Need a Miracle (posted June 26, 2009)


Of the few replies I’ve received to my “Rock the Quo” letter, the most promising came this week. Granted, at this phase in my life it’s difficult to have hope, but still…

The letter was from the local Salvation Army, the letter was kind, and the letterhead reads “Our mission: to save souls, grow saints and serve suffering humanity in Bremerton, Kitsap County, and beyond as God enables.”

They needed contact information since their firewall would not allow access to my email. In the letter was a postage paid, already addressed envelope and that made it so easy to get back in touch with them.

Major Baker called yesterday and left a message, I left the house intending on returning her call but wrote the number down wrong! So I called this morning making sure I read it correctly in her letter.

She asked some questions, and basically it still comes down to I need to have disconnect notices from my utilities and an eviction notice from my mortgage company. Wow. She was very kind, and I said she is running into this a lot, that’s why they try so hard to work with people, I’m in the Catch-22.

I said it seems so odd to me, trying to do the right thing, stay out of debt (except for the mortgage), living off my savings, but I’m in transition. I have a Disability attorney and we’re in that process, the work I’m doing is not reliable, and Unemployment is about to run out.

This is where the rubber is hitting the road.

I think because I’ve talked with so many folks the last several years, when you do find people who either understand or are compassionate, it is quite refreshing. This woman had a very comforting tone to her voice.

She said she’d check with their case worker to see if there’s anything they can do. I said I haven’t been able to find help anywhere. This situation is common, I’m learning, what I can’t figure out is why it is this way in the United States of America, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave, This Land is Your Land…etc.

I said it seems if I let things fall apart there is help, but not when one is trying to live right.

Maybe the lesson here is I need to let things fall apart?

I think I read somewhere the estimated amount of Brain Injured homeless folks in Canada is 50%.

We do fall between the cracks, but we’re not out of God’s hands. So I can’t help but keep asking, where is the help for us?

I find it interesting people will say ‘But by the grace of God go I’ when they hear of another person’s tragedy. But what about those who have faced, or are going through tragedy? God’s grace isn’t doled out based on condition.

I don’t know a lot of things, I seem to know less the older I get! But I do know things like Disability, chronic illness, pain, are teachers of the deeper things of life.

I am running out of options, last hopes, and I feel so danged helpless! I used to be the go-getter, the can-do person. Now I can’t even summon help to keep me and my animals from becoming homeless. So many difficult truths to swallow, and try to embrace, and learn to love.

I don’t know what else to do. Other people have gone through this, and many more will, why isn’t there help?

We can pay our sports stars, entertainers, etc., millions of dollars but we cannot keep our citizens in their own homes. We value entertainment above all else?

Thanks for listening, this is certainly raw in my heart and I am weary.

My mortgage is now down to under $100,000, should I have to move I cannot buy anything for that, my monthly payment is $900, and in this market I could not rent an apartment for that.

The downward spiral continues and I seem at a complete loss to stop it. Is there no safety net? I can prove my need with documentation, and verify everything with doctors and care providers.

God help me, please…I need a miracle…

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About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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