Back to the Beginning: Called Vet (posted Aug. 4, 2009)

I’m a big marshmallow when it comes to my pets so decided to call the vet and see if they could help me with signs to look for.

I was so emotional I didn’t even let the receptionist say the clinic name or her name before I jumped right in and asked if there are signs I should be looking for in Rudy.

She said age is something to consider, and its different for every dog, they just put down an 18 year old Jack Russell Terrier that was the oldest she’d ever seen.

Basically if she stops eating, starts acting senile, loses bladder or bowel control, stares at walls or at shadows, has just been outside and wants to go outside again (has forgotten they’ve been out), these are all signs.

She said with Cancer dogs, especially, they’ll stop acting like themselves. Some go quickly, some will stop eating, drinking, playing.

She was very sweet sharing all she did for she has owned a lot of animals and has worked with different vets over the years. She said if I’m still concerned, give them a call, the vet always gives an honest “this is what I would do if it were my dog” opinion. I told her I have really appreciated that, she agreed, saying she’s worked with a lot of vets and he’s the only one that does that.

The vet also won’t mince words if it’s Rudy’s time to go. I asked if they allowed people in there during the process but she said with all her experience putting down her own pets and other people’s pets, she wished she’d never seen hers put down. It is quick, it’s basically an overdose of anesthetic, but they can lose control of bowels, vomit, it’s not pretty. There is no pain, they don’t feel anything.

So I have a pit in my stomach. Tomorrow I have a day full of appointments and cannot take her in then, maybe Thursday or better yet, Friday afternoon so I can have the weekend to mourn…if this is indeed the end.

I don’t know, I do know I hate this part of animal ownership, I so wish they could die peacefully in their sleep (the vet tech agreed), but said this is the most humane thing (and the most difficult thing). If it’s her time when we come in, the Dr. will tell me that, if we can make her more comfortable in the meanwhile, we can do that.

She’s 10 years old, had Cancer surgery two years ago and still has quite a few lumps and bumps. She is slowing down, she’s still playing and eating, but she’s slower. Oh boy, have to do the right thing…

Trying to remember to breathe in deeply, breathe out deeply. It’s simple, I don’t want her to go, ever, and I’m not even a dog person! She needed a stable home and people that would work with her, and I needed the lessons only she could teach me.

I promised her the day we got her at the pound, if I have any control over it, she’d never go back there, she’d already been there twice and when we went to see her, she was the only dog that did not bark. When I put my hand in her cage to pet her, she kept her head there after I left.

Tough times require courageous love to do what is right for her…no matter how much it hurts.

I did have to put my cat down two years ago, but that was a much more instantaneous moment, took her to the vet, was supposed to pick her up, they called and said she collapsed. When I got there she was in that not blinking stage and meowing. I couldn’t bear to watch them put her down although I really wanted to be there for her.

I had to write this all out now, before tomorrow’s full day, or with how heavy this is on my heart, would forget details. It is difficult to live in the moment when there is so much pain yet to occur, it’s almost excruciating.

As far as I can tell, she is not in pain, but she’s always been such a happy dog, maybe she’s doing that to help me…I don’t know…life, and it’s mysteries…

About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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