Back to the Beginning: Brain Injury Support Group Picnic (posted July 22, 2009)

Just got back home from the picnic, fed the animals, and I am SO tired! Oh my gosh, brain fatigue is such a weird bedfellow. I rested before I went and really had nothing major on my list today other than call my mortgage company, and I’m whooped!

The answer from the mortgage company is I have a Freddie Mac loan, so according to the consumer credit counselor guy, I should be able to get someone to mitigate my mortgage for me. I sure hope so because I’m feeling terribly overwhelmed and need some definite 3-D help!

The picnic was nice, I took beverages, bottles of water that were 3/$1, a few sodas, a small cooler, and myself.

We all got brain fried from the moment it started because we were at the wrong place. The Social Worker came over and said she’d been there since 3:45, but we couldn’t see her and she couldn’t see us. The barbecue was already started, so the cook stayed there and we all moved everything to the other side of the park.

I appreciated Janice help cut through the mental clutter because there really is nothing quite like a group of confusing, questioning TBIers! đŸ™‚

I wasn’t sure how much I’d end up blurting out about my situation or if my brain would choose another path. The Occupational Therapist asked how I’m doing, and well, that’s a huge question right now. I simply said, “The good news is the end is near, but that’s also the bad news.”

She was pleased to hear about the online fundraiser I’d started and a couple other folks encouraged me by telling me I should get an advocate because they were definitely helped, and forget about attorneys. An advocate, he said, cuts through all the bureaucracy. It was nice to talk to someone who has experience not just advice, in what works.

I also spoke with another Brain Injured person’s mom, she suggested I look into getting a roommate, the right connection might just be out there. I tried to explain my ‘normal’ and her ‘normal’ aren’t at all the same and what may have worked for normal folks would push me over the edge. I’ve looked at all options, honestly I have, I don’t want to lose my home, no one does!

On the one hand it was a nice break to not be stuck at home fretting about how to make this all happen, and it was also nice people remembered and asked me. I guess not everyone goes around in this world forgetting as much as I do! It really is still quite odd to me to have people talk to me about conversations we’ve had before that I have no recollection of whatsoever! Talk about feeling vulnerable!

I’m going to contact the Occupational Therapist about the advocate that was mentioned to me, I’ve been told this story before, this time it was nice to hear it from the person directly. He said his advocate was able to go back and get benefits from the day before his injury. Wow.

I said that’s the tough thing with Disability, because I have worked, they say I CAN work. I’ve been injured since 2002 and killing myself to keep afloat. It’s not that I’m lazy by any means, or looking for a handout! He kept saying that’s why I need to get an advocate. So, yes, will pursue that avenue tomorrow, I hope.

I am fried as fried can be, but didn’t want to leave because it’s so rare I get to socialize and be around other people. I might not even say anything, but it’s great we can talk heart-to-heart about things that affect us.

I’d shared about my not eating and we joked how we know that doesn’t work! There’s some connection between the stomach and the brain, no food, no fuel. But it was also neat to talk about how we eat or don’t eat when we’re depressed. We all shook our heads in agreement, and I think it’s quite liberating to face the truth unashamed. No masks there, quite nice.

Oh goodness – two more things before I forget, and they’re good things.

I thought I was dreaming that I’d seen my food benefits increase from $60 to $200 – it wasn’t a dream, it’s real!! I can buy produce again! I’m so excited!!! That’s pretty much all I ate tonight was strawberries, banana, sugar peas, carrots, broccoli. Divine!

I heard from my friend Kathleen, she is not going to have the kids she works with help out, her beau is part of the Masons and she said they’re willing to help me prepare the house for sale.

We’ll see what happens, it was nice to get to socialize and take the blinders off of what I’ve been missing and rarely allow myself to see. I did wonder while I was there what it would be like to be there and enjoy the picnic without the weight of the world on my shoulders.

We do become so isolated and less alive, more like little mice trying to find the way through the maze. The goofy thing is, I should not have to re-invent the wheel, it’s not like this is the first time an abled person, who happens to own and want to keep her home, has become disabled. Bah!

I am so grateful to have just had one night of socializing and getting out, it was a beautiful day, really, you could not have asked for better weather. Not too hot or too cold. We were secluded away from the other areas where a lot of noise/people were.

I jokingly said I haven’t eaten like that in a long time, but it’s true, it is amazing what times of stress and fear will do to a person’s habits when help cannot be found.

Lovely time, nice to laugh with others and get back to one of my favorite childhood things: making others laugh. Nothing like connecting with your true spirit to energize!

Blessings. đŸ™‚

About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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