Back to the Beginning: Thanksgiving (posted Dec. 1, 2008)

I am proud for taking extra good care of myself planning and preparing for the journey to be with family. In order to be fully present for any event post-injury, I have to be prepared ahead of time and then right before, rest…a lot!

I had parking and ferry fare set aside so I wouldn’t have to worry about that. I always park in the same place because forgetting is such an issue for me, it’s very helpful to have a routine.

I had my earplugs in the entire way on the ferry, and allowed myself to just rest. Surprisingly, I fell asleep not once, but twice on the way over. I try to maintain this routine each time I go to be with family. It helps me have a little more energy, a precious commodity.

This was my first time seeing my Dad since he was in rehab from his heart surgery last summer. He uses a walker and has a wheelchair he sits in at home, he did GREAT at getting around. I was both proud and delighted. That man is a miracle!

My Step-Mom shared my wayward brother, who will be 43 this month had called my Dad three times in quick succession trying to get gasoline money out of him. Grow up!

We ate out for this first time ever, the restaurant was packed and even though we had a reservation we still had to wait a half hour. Wow! It was too loud for me, I tired very quickly.

Dad asked my brother at dinner if he accepted Jesus Christ as his savior. I didn’t expect that! Dad faced death and needs to know his kids will be okay. In typical dysfunctional fashion my brother lied and my Dad accepted it. I wasn’t ready for any of that. I was a little teary-eyed Dad asked.

Back at their home for birthday cake for my oldest brother, Dad was trying to give us his family Bibles. I wasn’t ready for that either. I turned them down knowing I very well may not be keeping my home and wouldn’t have place. It was hard to hear him giving them away!

Dad said I would get his car and as nice of a gesture as that is, since I’ve been driving the dent-mobile for years, I didn’t like it what that meant. It was reminiscent of when Mom died when I was sixteen and got her car. Tough stuff to think and talk about since I finally got to the point where I have to sell my Mom’s sewing machine. Mom was always sewing, and all in all, it’s a heck of a lot of loss to be looking at right now, and yes, I guess that should make me sad.

I got my paycheck today and I did not even earn $300 last month, worst month ever. I continue to list things on Craigslist and pray I don’t have to dive into savings again, if things don’t sell, I will have to. I have listed four things on eBay and have no idea how they’ll do. eBay is labor-intensive and can be quite costly.

Still have considerable lingering concern about my future, how this will all pan out. I so wish I could work full-time, have a job with benefits, paid vacation, sick leave, stability, and security. I already have memory problems, but due to genetics and two Brain Injuries, chances are I am likely to develop Alzheimer’s.

More than anything, I want a less stressful life, because this stress, especially the financial stress is the worst for us with TBI.

I sold some batteries and a charger on Craigslist to someone I met at a local grocery and he must have thought I was drunk, I couldn’t think clearly, got confused talking and I lost my balance in front of him. I can seem completely competent one moment and not the next. How embarrassing! At any rate, it was nice to have that little bit of money to buy produce.

Dad called yesterday and said he had been looking at his finances and asked if $1,000 would help. I said yes, but told him to hang onto it, he needs it more than I, I have savings if I need. Jiminy! I couldn’t take his money, it’s just not the right thing to do.

That man served in WWII, served and given his entire lifetime, donated blood, served at church, I appreciate his wanting to help, but I really have to do this. He has to focus on getting better and taking care of himself, he need not worry about me although I know parents do. We should all be at a place in our lives we can be counted on to be there for our parents, not the other way around.

I had taken my CD player to Dad’s hospital room when he was in Critical Care, because my hands were too full when I was returning home from Thanksgiving, I told them to hold onto it a little longer. Dad said he listened to the CD of Fernando Ortega I left in it and he said he thought he remembered hearing it play when he was in the hospital!

That lit my heart, he had heard and remembered! Never underestimate the healing power of music, even when folks seem unresponsive!

I believe if we ministered to people’s spirits instead of what we see with our own eyes, we would change the world in a heartbeat.

About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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