Much to my surprise, I sold my Christmas tree on Craigslist last night after re-listing a time or two. I used to love Christmas, but honestly since losing my job December 5, 2002 from a Christian chiropractor, well, Christmas hasn’t been the same since. The tree was taking up space in my basement all these years. I finally got to where I could let go of that part of my old life knowing someone else may enjoy it.
Christmas changed for our family since Brain Injury and my job loss years ago, it was the end of us exchanging gifts, a difficult change after a lifetime of giving. I used to stock my closet with gifts, it was something I did all year long when I found things I knew they would like. Some changes you just make without really getting used to them or feeling comfortable.
I gave a lot of my decorations to charity since I basically only put up a front door wreath I made out of an old wire hanger and some garland. Simple, but it works. I kept some ornaments, the stocking my mom made, and other stockings I bought as decorations. I guess there’s still a part of me that hopes for someday having someone to share it with, and the stability to know what I can keep for good.
The gal I sold the tree to has a beautiful three-month-old baby boy, this was her first tree she’s ever bought, and it was the first one I’d bought too. So while there is always some sadness in letting go, I’m hoping the tree will become a part of their traditions, bring them much peace and joy. One thing I’d always loved was having the house lights off and just sitting by the tree in the glow of the lights, relaxing in its peace and quiet.
I also had a beautiful brand new hand-blown glass diffuser with pine scented oil that I gave her as well. It was a gift I’d received with a purchase and I thought it would be neat to have the scotch pine tree and the scent too!
Will Smith said on Oprah the way of nature, the way of God is there is birth, death, and there is ALWAYS rebirth. He said it again, that there is ALWAYS rebirth. That stuck with me. I admire him not only because he is a gifted artist, but because he is focused on life-giving priorities. It is awesome and rare to see a man like that. He and his family are living a very full, meaningful, authentic life and are not distracted by success.
There is a lot of death along the path of long-term illness and/or disability and it can be quite daunting, to say the least. It is not for the faint of heart. It will break you in ways you never thought you could be broken, keep you broken longer than you thought you could stand it, make you weaker than you ever thought possible…
So, here is to death and rebirth…