Today was another day of recovery, testing my limits of what I can and cannot do. Goofy thing about Brain Injury, every day really is different. What we were capable of a day or two ago, we may not be able to accomplish at all today.
I thought I was doing pretty well, all things considered. I was sort of upset with myself for the questions I couldn’t figure out or got wrong, even the details that bug me now will soon fade away very quickly. Life with Brain Injury.
I decided to go for a walk this morning, and am glad I had sense enough to turn around once I started feeling dizzy and light-headed. Something as simple as a short walk I would have taken for granted before is too much for me now, such a stark contrast from the very active, busy life I once knew and loved. I had to lie down afterwards and let myself recoup. Today is definitely a day of self-care and listening to my brain.
After resting, I decided to go to a church that offers food and clothing at no charge, and since I have wanted to go for a long, long time and every time Monday comes and goes, I never realize it until it’s too late. I have terrible difficulty with the concept of time. As my friend Brother Frank says, “time stands still” for me. At least I was consistent at forgetting! So I wrote it on my calendar and created a map online. It’s in my city, and I know, I’ve lived here a long time and the streets confuse me, I get them mixed up now.
Going to a new place can be quite overwhelming for a TBIer and in retrospect, I wish I had simply opted to go next week. It was way too much for me, a screaming child was upsetting everyone and I didn’t remember I not only had earplugs with me, they were hanging around my neck on a string tucked inside my jacket. Only later when I looked in the mirror did I see them and remember using them for my walk. At any rate, I misunderstood thinking they had food we could take with us, rather than a meal to sit down with others and enjoy. They offer bread and produce when it’s available, and since I’m allergic to wheat, bread is out for me.
I came home and had to rest. I did bring home a few clothes to hopefully help me stay warm this winter, the items that donn’t fit will be donated back to them or other charities.
This evening I was simply working on photo editing for things maybe for eBay or Craigslist and I noticed I kind of checked out for a second. I’ve had vertigo many times before and this wasn’t it. Did I just have a seizure? I did online research, it is entirely possible I did have a minute seizure, and yes, I’m well aware of the price we pay when it comes to stress and TBI.
But moments like these are reminders that Brain Injury can’t be ignored when I have other plans! Whether I think I’m having a good day or not, little things like dizziness and later ringing in my ears can tell me a lot. I chatted online this evening asking about my experience, one person said I could have indeed had a seizure, the other person said he thought it was overload.
Perhaps I was overloaded and still recovering from the Mental Exam.