Back to the Beginning: Denied (posted Dec 2, 2008)


Had an Unemployment appointment this morning to go over my job search log. I asked if they changed my benefits because I’m only able to work part-time. She said no, the calculation for benefits is denied purely on the hours worked for the quarters I am requesting assistance.

I was relieved but now have to wonder why it is less than before. She said it was entirely based on what my employer reported.

On my way home I stopped by my Post Office box. The first envelope I saw was Social Security. According to them, my disability it not severe enough to keep me from working. Well, that was simple. Inaccurate, but simple.

Trying to comprehend their denial letter I’ve felt this way before, struck numb by more bad news. Driving home I started soul crying. The kind where you weep deep sobs as if the very marrow in your bones was crying out.

Why does it have to be this way? I’ve gone through hell, lost my very life, trying desperately to hang on to my house and then this. I could not stop crying, I could foresee losing my house, but my pets, not my pets. How do I explain to them I love them with my life but may not be able to keep them? Oh my gosh how I hate this with every cell in my body.

How in the world can anyone understand not only my Brain Injury but this convoluted journey life becomes while simply trying to survive storm after devastating storm. To top it all off, this Friday is the anniversary of my losing my job/ministry because of my Brain Injury. Hard times indeed.

This is real life. I want a simpler, less complicated, manageable life…one farther from this tragedy and close to the good things of life. I want a good, deeply rooted and meaningful life.

One of the things I walked away from Thanksgiving with was how I have lived in the shadow of people who have served with their lives, I got to see that in my grandparents and parents, and for much of my adult life I was able to as well. I miss being able to serve and give.

How does a person manage in the midst of ongoing storms that threaten the very foundation of survival?

What next?

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About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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