I received comments regarding this odd concept of a fundraiser to pay off the mortgage. I’ll tell you how it came about if you will grant me a few minutes of your time and an open heart. Please, if you’re moved to speak in response to this, speak sweetly. It is a raw moment in recent memory, and sharing it is about as comfortable as opening my chest cavity.
My Heart’s Cry/The Birth
During what I needed to be my last time bawling over losing everything and a disability I cannot make better, in desperation and exhaustion I cried out to God asking Him to do SOMETHING, anything! I felt I would have a nervous breakdown or heart attack, I could no longer bear the ongoing financial strain and stress. It’s hard being the old go-getter now with limitations. At that rock bottom moment, God spoke all we need to do is pay off the mortgage. Where in the heck did that come from? In unbelief I jokingly said, “Oh, that’s all!” He then gently reminded me of the Scripture He owns the cattle on thousands of hills. I still thought it was the craziest thing I ever heard. For some reason the Scripture settled my aching heart into rare peace, able to stop crying, I tried to wrap my brain around this weird new concept. I wondered how in the heck He would make that happen. It was something I would never ask for. I’m the giver! Not the given to.
Over time the stirring in my heart refused to settle. I wondered if it was indeed meant to be, so asked God how in the heck this could be done. In time, He reminded me of a friend with disabilities in a care center over a hundred miles from his church congregation. I used craigslist and an online group to ask for web cameras, and sure enough, I received several folks weren’t using! I happily sent them on their way and felt blessed being a part of connecting this man to his lifeline of old friends. I had no problem asking on his behalf, the people were gracious angels. What an awesome blessing for us all to be a part of! The thought entered my mind, heck, if I had a friend going through hard times for so many years after becoming disabled, I knew she had done everything she could do, I would start a fundraiser to pay her mortgage off. It was far simpler thinking of this for someone else than for myself.
I’m not waving, I’m drowning
It may be the craziest thing I’ve ever done in life, but I have to try one last time. I can’t give up without one last fight. My Dad was a Navy Seabee in WWII and I think I have that fighting spirit! I do know I can’t do this on my own, I need help, for a fiercely independent and private woman asking for help is as attractive as getting a root canal…I think I’d choose the root canal!
Can we turn the Titanic around?
I need help. I’d gotten to the point where I started a letter to service organizations and churches in the area asking to be adopted as their charity. I couldn’t send it. It didn’t sound right to me to send something from me for me, I couldn’t do it. I was able to re-write it as though I was writing for a friend, that felt better. There is much more power in a story where friends or family are supporting the person in need.
Even if you think I’m crazy or flakier than a box of Corn Flakes, please keep me in your prayers. Maybe I am crazy, maybe this is a fly-by-night goofy idea. I’ve been a fool for lesser things! If God does want for me to lose my house, this will be a most upsetting time. People with my disability don’t do well with change. Our homes are tools for thriving, they are everything to us because we are shut-ins. They become our sanctuaries as we are so sensitive to noise, light, movement, etc. My house and my pets are all that remain from my pre-disabled life. My special lifelong connection with animals is one more thing that has kept me afloat these last several years. Being a shut-in and having their angelic companionship has saved me.
Thank you kindly for taking the time and for listening to my heart.
I’ve never been disabled before, been without a way to earn a living, and never faced losing my home before.
I don’t know what God has in store with this. Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn’t. It would sure do my heart good to be a catalyst of change and be an encouragement to other folks in my shoes. Wouldn’t it be something else to change the world for those the Bible calls “the least of these” and for so much has been lost? Yet, have you ever been around disabled folks who are so loving they would give you their very life? That’s what I would like to do. Give with my life.
My all-time favorite song is “Secret Ambition” by Michael W. Smith. He sings that nobody knew His (Jesus’) secret ambition was to change the world with his love by giving His life away.
Blessings, dear reader, blessings on you.
Thank you for choosing to be here. Knowing I’m not just writing to the wind helps me feel more connected to the world outside these walls and gives me the strength, hope, and support to carry on.