I’ve spent a lot of quiet time pondering why the advice of others often times is more offensive than helpful. I think it depends on who is saying it, what their experience is, how they say it, and how well I know them.
I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt people mean well, but I also realize common psychology does not reach the depths of a person with a Brain Injury. I am completely different from those who are giving the advice and I think in the core of my soul I know they do not understand, and it is my intuition I rely on most.
I think some of it is raw frustration of people not hearing me. I’m sensing lack of respect for me and for my boundaries, and an underlying nagging feeling they’re really telling me how I’m living my life, what I’m doing, who I am now, is all wrong.
I feel people are where they are for a reason and if someone else goes into ‘fix her mode’ I sense that. Being vulnerable, far more vulnerable than I ever dreamed I would be, I don’t like it. I think I’m pretty reasonable in accepting advice from people I know and trust, but it must always be filtered through my discernment. I don’t want to alienate people into thinking I will reject all their advice.
I would not be hesitant or guarded had all advice from people on this path been healthy and helpful, people make mistakes in their judgment and I pay a big price. We know it’s not just the good-hearted who rush in when someone is down and out.
What would you tell someone who is lost and does not know the way? Think positive, know if you’re on the right path with God you feel joy, give them a list of directions they cannot follow? Have more faith? I don’t think so!
Maybe simply, lovingly show the way knowing the person may be scared, lonely, bewildered.