Today I Let Go…


…of some, “Oh, I remember this from childhood” and “This was a wedding gift given to Mom in Dad in 1953!”  I also let go of plenty “maybe someday” and “I’d sure love to do this one day” and especially my infamous, “I can flip this on eBay!”  LOL!  I can, but I don’t so it’s gone.  Buh-bye, don’t let the door hit you on your way out.  :)

I don’t know where I’ll be moving but figure most folks with TBI end up having very little space they can afford and traveling light is best.  If I’ve learned anything from Brain Injury its less is definitely more.  I need to let go of the outcomes, to allow whatever will happen to happen, it’s an odd, raw sense of vulnerability and who does well with that, brain injury or not?!

I let go of things I haven’t gotten around to since moving here three years ago.  Having moved so much in my adult life I came to hate living out of boxes.  I figure unless its paperwork, I shouldn’t own anything that needs to live in storage.  Life’s short.

Some of these treasures were my Mom’s, um helloooooo, she died thirty years this last Fourth of July.  Seriously, if I haven’t done anything with her stuff by now I’m not going to.  Having stuff was their (Mom & Dad’s) security.  I do want to keep my workout stuff though, I know, I’m weird that way.  I enjoy exercise.  Go figure.

I don’t need the photos, some I will scan and save, many I will not.  Having just gone through Dad’s detached garage in April back home, I was none too thrilled to have to paw through belongings I didn’t know he still had.  And, there were the unlovely reminders of things Dad promised to me but never followed through on.  That’s life.  Got to love the crazy dynamics of a hugely dysfunctional family!  PLENTY of life lessons there!

All items have gone to auction, it’s a weird feeling, but it’s also a relief, its letting go of reminders of things I can’t do or will never get to do.  There is a lot of loss with TBI and while it is tough at times, I’ve learned the importance of doing what I have to do and then not look back.  Some things are best not remembered…and much about my family is in that category.  :D

Letting go or getting rid of it is easier than having it taken.  Times like these I think of my late friend Tommy who taught me about having to cut away parts of our lives that we are no longer able to manage.  He called it ‘surgery’.  Yes, I’d imagine it is surgery without the benefit of anesthesia!

The hardest decision is to sell Guess, the rescue horse.  I’m a person who adopts for life so this is new territory and a first; I’ve never sold or abandoned any of my animals.  Ever!  But this latest deal of earning whiplash just cut me to the core.  Yes, another setback, more time in bed with ice pack and just waiting, how it seems I’m forever waiting for better days.  And then what?  She’s a horse who needs a good hand and who has an intuitive feel about her and what she needs.  She’s remarkable just for giving us humans another chance; that tells you a lot about the size of her heart after the abuse she’s seen.

Guess deserves a special home and she’s a horse that needs a job!  It’s going to be hard having Sadie without any horse friend for her.  I will be fortunate to get to keep my two cats and my horse Sadie if that’s in the cards.  But you know, it’s weird about letting go, I don’t have to worry about a lot of things like having stuff get stolen!  I can let go of the weighty obligations and the guilt for not getting some things done I’d hoped to.  It’s okay; chances are I probably won’t remember much of this anyway!

I’m not sure if I have the courage to go to the auction to see what things end up going for.  That would be quite surreal, I’d imagine.  But then again if I don’t face the discomfort or difficulties I will never grow…so that’s something to ponder.  And, perhaps, just perhaps, by going I’d be able to help a fellow TBI warrior on this path.  That’s definitely worth considering.  We’ll see!

More shall be revealed…thank you kindly for being here, everyone.

I was just thinking about what Suze Orman says, “People, money, things” how often we have those in a completely different order!  Life’s short…

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.

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About Resilient Heart

TBI x3, that's me! If you had a Traumatic Brain Injury (or Injuries!) and knew you might not remember dates, events, people, etc., would you live each day differently? Would you give more, forgive more, heal more? I am. The statistics for me developing Dementia or Alzheimer's is a high possibility - one, because of the TBIs, and two - because I'm genetically predisposed. Come with me as this present moment is all we know we have... Wishing you all the best - today & always. Blessings, Love & Peace, RH
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6 Responses to Today I Let Go…

  1. A brand new healthier life! You’re on a role! xo

  2. Out with the old; in with the new. Always a good thing. I threw out a coffee maker this morning that was broken and had been sitting on my kitchen counter for months unused. What’s with that? I know it’s a very small thing compared with the move you’re making now, but I’ve been through that too, in my own way, and all I can say is it does get better. If I hadn’t thrown out the old stock of life after my marriage failed the new stock I have now would not have had room to enter and envelope me in a healthier way of being. So, I’m rooting for you and hope, among other things, that you’re able to find a good home for your darling, Guess. … Be well and take care of yourself and your needs. Dorothy :-)

    • Thanks so much, Dorothy, for sharing your insight, experience and strength, this is such a beautiful perspective: out with the old, in with the new, making room for new, healthier stock. :) I’ll be curious to see where this particular journey takes me. Thanks so much for your support and friendship. Hugs!

  3. You are so much braver than me. I really admire you. And I think I’m living much closer to you now. That helps me feel better somehow knowing your only a mountain or two away.

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